So.. it’s been a while since I’ve written here. I’ve also noticed that in the last few months, I’ve gone off the trails on this blog. It hasn’t been about my travels, but more about my views on what’s going on in society and my opinions on it. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that.. but this is meant to be a travel blog. So I’ve set up a new blog, where I’ll chat absolute rubbish about everything and nothing, and I’ll leave the travelling tales to this blog. I think that’s what happens when you get settled into a place. You become too comfortable.
Melbourne.. my home for the last 7 months.
I never thought I’d fall in love with a city and its people as much as I have with Melbourne. From the moment I stepped foot on the the tarmac, It felt like I was home.. well, it was raining cats and dogs, so I really did feel like I was back in London.
The people welcomed me, and made me feel like I belonged.
‘I’ll stay here just for a while.’… I said.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.
Acquaintances turned into friends, and before long.. friends became family.
Words cannot describe the love I have for this community – it made me rediscover myself. Its made me feel more comfortable within my skin, its made me re-evaluate my friendships with certain people, its made me re-evaluate the way I conduct myself, and its made me so much more confident.
It was really starting to feel like.. home.
That was not the objective. That was not part of the plan. The plan was to travel, not to find a new home.
So.. it is with a very heavy heart that I announce I will be leaving Melbourne soon.
I wish I didn’t have to. I don’t feel ready to leave, I feel like I haven’t done enough, and there’s more to do. But, truth be told, I have to leave. I’ve already been here for a good while and I know I’ve done a lot of things already. I think I’m just looking for excuses. If I’m not ready now, then I never will be.
The reason I’m leaving is because I like to make life difficult for myself. (insert smirk here)
I don’t know why that’s the case. I suppose I like to find new challenges and throw myself into the deep end. There’s something exhilarating about it – it keeps me on my toes.
People in Melbourne have been begging me to stay, do farm work and get a permanent residency and people in the UK and Ireland have been begging me to come back. It’s all very flattering, but I don’t think you realise how much this hurts me. I feel like whatever decision I make, I’ll betray someone (yes, I realise this sounds very dramatic), and that places a huge burden on my heart.
That being said, I’ve made some very good friends here – people that I know I’ll be friends with for my whole life, and that comforts me. That makes it a little bit easier for me to leave, because it’s not going to be a ‘goodbye’.. it’s a ‘see you later’. I really don’t want to do this but what I have at home outweighs everything I have here. I have a family, I have best friends, I have babies being born and growing up, not knowing who I am (yes, I’m a very important person to a lot of babies).. I have weddings, birthdays and christenings that I’m missing out on. I have a career back at home, and I’m not getting any younger. I’d like to settle down, and being out here has made me even more confident and sure of what I want from life.
Yes, I’m having the time of my life here, but I’d much rather that I left on good terms with fond memories, instead of having to leave because I’m broke, depressed or clinically insane.
So.. I’m leaving next month.
No, I’m not coming back to England just yet. I’ll still be travelling. As much as I miss everyone back in the UK and Ireland, I’m still not quite ready to come back yet. There are still things I want to do and see.
The next stop?
Whereabouts I’ll go, what I’ll do, who I’ll meet, I don’t know. That’s the whole point of going on an adventure.
Actually, thats a lie.. I do have a rough idea of what I’ll do, but every day I change my mind. I’ve come to realise that it’s all part of being a backpacker. Yes, it’s slightly unnerving, but it’ll also be an experience to remember.