Who are you?

So… Glastonbury.

That was a mad one.

224,000 people congregated from all over the world to be at Worthy Farm.

it was a plethora of astounding, breathtaking and thought provoking acts and a myriad of entertainment for our delectation and delight. Admittedly, it involved a fair bit of travel, and a three hours queue to get in, but as long as you have a fold up chair and crates of Koppabergs, it’s all good. When you overcome these impediments, you enter a huge tented city where anything goes. Everyone’s there to have their own fun, and nobody’ll judge them for it. The busy whirl of excitement may not be to everyone’s taste, but that’s okay.

it was a long week, and I made sure that I made the most of it. I met people of all ages, backgrounds, nationalities, lifestyles and faiths. There were some people that I steered clear of because…. well, because they were off their rockers.

Each to their own, though.

I partied hard, and before i knew it, it was 6am on Monday morning, and I was lying on the ground at Stone Circle, surrounded by drums, guitars and people singing. I basked in the joy emanating from the sleepless revellers.

glasto clouds

There was a Kurt Cobain lookalike guy in a poncho playing the guitar, with a troop of groupies clustered around him, hanging on his every word. It was such a cliche, it was really like the pictures you see on Instagram. Everyone was dancing, and having a good time. Admittedly, there were some zombies staggering around that couldn’t string a coherent sentence together.

We sat down, and two of my friends went off to find some smokes. One was content to just sit down and take in the scenery, and another friend was one of those incoherent babbling zombies. Great.

I decided to lie back on my back and think about the week – what were my highs and what were my lows?

The highs… well, there were too many to mention. Standing on the platform, watching the sun go down as The Who belted out their greatest hits was pretty damn good.

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I thought back to when Reni Eddo-Lodge chaired the panel discussion – Feminism with Borders and thought about how I could incorporate some of those discussions in my feminism group.

leftfield

I thought about the debates I had.

if you had one billion pounds to spend, how would you spend it?

  • SAVE THE NHS
  • MORE NUCLEAR WEAPONS
  • COMBAT CLIMATE CONTROL

Ponder on that one.

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I thought back to when we stood at Arcadia and watched anarchic metal monsters explode with dynamite and saw lasers pierce the darkness, danced to the gigantic speakers and watched the flames engulf the sky.

arcadia

Standing in the pouring rain as The Vaccines played their set with my fucking ridiculous hat was… well, it was interesting.

maher

Watching the flares go off above a sea of aloft arms into the sky, as The Chemical Brothers brought the festival to a euphoric close with their amazing set was… amazing.

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The lows…? Well, I didn’t get to see the Dalai Lama. I had the opportunity to see him twice, and both times, I missed him. I wanted to be angry, but I know Buddha wouldn’t want me to be angry, so I won’t be angry.

So, I lied down on the ground and stared at the clouds and admired the yellowish and pinkish hues of the skies as it got lighter. I began to meditate, and thought back to my time in Australia, when I was pretty into my meditation. I thought of Thich Nhat Hanh – a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist – a very wise man.

The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.

– Thich Nhat Hanh.

So, I continued to stare at the sky and ignored everything else, and just… stared.

ckiyds

It was glorious.

Then I looked at my watch and realised that I needed to go back to camp and pack my things because we were due to leave in a few hours, and everything was still strewn all over my minuscule tent floor. I abruptly stood up and said my farewells to my friends and walked back to my tent.

It took me an hour to walk back to my tent. It was at this very moment that one week of sleep deprivation, heat exhaustion and severe alcohol abuse had finally caught up with me and I started to have a panic attack again. As I stumbled down the uneven muddy ground, I felt lonely and alone. I know I wasn’t exactly alone, because… hello? 224,000 drunken revellers.

I contemplated the world, and where I stood in it. How I was received by the people around me and what their perceptions of me were. I thought about all of my exes and how we left things between us, and how we could resolve it. I thought about the world, and how I could improve it.

I decided there and then it would be best for everyone if I moved to a cabin in Denmark.

Irrational, I know. But like I said… walking down a muddy lane at 6am at Glastonbury after a week of no sleep and heat exhaustion will make you go off with the fairies. I think I was rather hard on myself during that walk.

As I walked past the Bandstage area and walked towards the Pyramid, I started to feel a little bit better because I knew I was nearly at my tent. I looked to my right and I saw a dishevelled girl walking beside me. She looked a mess… and she was kicking an umbrella. She stood there and kicked it. It leaped a few metres, and she laughed to herself. She walked to the umbrella and kicked it again. It leaped further and she smirked. She walked over to it and gave it a mighty kick and it flew in the air and her laugh was infectious. It was a simple act, but I couldn’t help but laugh. I felt a warm glow wash over me, and realised that for the last hour I had been a complete and utter twat.

There will be times in your life where you will be sad and lonely at any particular time. You’ll be inclined to retreat inside yourself and keep everything inside. There will be times when you’ll feel alone, and you don’t want to impose on anyone so you don’t say anything – but that’s not a reflection on your family or friends, because they’ll always be there for you.

It has been 48 hours since I returned from Glastonbury, and my emotions have been all over the place. I’m exhausted, I’m teary and I’m burnt out.

But I’m also happy and content. Look at the bigger picture. There’s a whole world out there waiting to be explored – people to meet, things to learn and lovers waiting to be loved. If you’re not happy with your life – change it. If you’re not happy with your friends, tell them. If you’re not happy with your job, get a new one. If you’re not happy with your partner, sort it out.

Be happy. Be content.

Happy and content seems to be a running joke between some of my friends.

They poke fun at me because I’m always posting #happy #content on my pictures. 

Yes. I am happy and content.

I promise myself that I will enjoy every minute of the day that is given me to live.

– Thich Nhat Hnah,

And you should be too. if you’re not, then you should try to be.

Life is for living. You have to be the kind of person who can make the best out of a Tuesday. Those people who live for the weekends? They’re wasting their lives away. You have to find something worth living for or else you’ll look back and realised you’ve wasted your life away.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
– Buddha.

Be happy for yourself. Be happy for others. Love yourself. Love others. Question yourself. Question others. Challenge yourself. Challenge others.

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One thought on “Who are you?

  1. Love this one, Abs, but people seem to take offence with ‘question others’. So careful if I were you, ha.

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